Relationships to Treasure.--Relationship Giving Us a Sense of Being Alive

I am recalling a deeply meaningful, mind-opening, exciting conversation I had with my daughter many years ago. I  will never fail to be lifted by it. We talked about relationships, reciprocal relationships, relationships that mean the most to us, relationships that give us a sense of being alive.

We talked about relationships in which we feel able, indeed are moved to share ourselves, our fondest hopes and dreams, our deepest concerns, without fear of being judged.  Relationships in which we talk about raw ideas still half formed, directions still tentative without concern of embarrassment.

Hopefully, relationships like this exist within a marriage, within a family, certainly with one’s spouse (as it does for me), and with children as they grow up (as they do with me).

Hopefully, too, we form a few relationships like this with people outside our family.  If others are like me, there will be very few.  But no matter who we have them with, we must learn to treasure them for they bring so much with them.

A relationship like this brings so much with it.

It brings a feeling of relief and comfort – to be able to share one’s deepest and genuine thoughts and to know another has enough confidence in you to share them.

It brings a feeling of connection and being valued by another person who we respect.

It brings new insights, both from hearing the deepest feelings and the ideas of another, but also by revealing to ourselves convictions and insights that may not have surfaced before.

A relationship like this rests on mutual respect and trust.  It rests, too, on a degree of mutuality; i.e., there has to be some degree of shared need and shared learning, even if the balance is uneven.

And a relationship like this does something even more.  It gives us a sense of being “alive.”

Many, indeed most of the connections we have with others are formalized, they have their expected roles, and their prescribed boundaries.  And that’s all right.  Life would probably be too chaotic, perhaps even unbearable, if we were revealing our deepest feelings and receiving those of others all over the place.  But how much of life do we lose because we fail to be open and transparent in ways that we may not even understand, and that only conversation and dialogue can reveal?  How much risk are we prepared to take?  How much risk is it appropriate to take, not just for ourselves but for others?

Personally, I am lifted, sometimes even thrilled by the reflection on these types of relationships which I’ve had – relationships within my family, of course, and with those who have come outside it.

I think of those individuals with whom I’ve been able to share my deepest thoughts, stories from the past, hopes for the future, largely (even if not totally) unconstrained by fear of embarrassment or crossing a line that perhaps another person would not want to see crossed.  These relationships have been very productive.  We’ve been able to cut through and get to the essence of issues, share ideas (some of which we know will be good and some not).  Perhaps most of all, truth be told, these relationships have been important to me because they have made me feel connected to another person whom I respect; and who respects me; they made me feel “alive.”