We all face these questions. Probably almost every day. In a conversation with our spouse or one of our children or a friend, or a subordinate at work, or a peer or our boss.
Something is on your mind. A concern. It could be sensitive.
Should you bring it up?
Here is a template of considerations which I try to keep in mind (not always with success) in answering that question
1. Is it the truth-- to the best of my knowledge.
2. Is it essential— to reach the outcome we seek.
3. Is it likely to be constructive—in reaching the outcome we seek.
4. Is it conveyed respectfully—not in way that demeans the other person.
5. And finally, is this the right moment and the right setting to speak up? Or might there be another setting—perhaps more private and personal—where the issue on your mind could be presented and discussed with a better prospect of achieving a good outcome.
Looking back, there have been times I have said something motivated primarily by "just wanting to get it off my chest". There is nothing wrong with that instinct, indeed it is an instinct to be honored. However, I have found it pays big dividends to quickly check that instinct against the five considerations listed above.
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