This was the mind-opening perspective offered by the pastor of my church several years ago.
He offered it to recognize the impact we have on others by what we say. Innocently, I am sure, a parishioner was recalling being characterized by someone as "poor.” To which he replied, "I did really not feel poor until I had been characterized that way.”
This reminded me of the power of affirming the positive qualities of another person, reinforcing their positive attributes and, on the down side, the negative impact of characterizing them in a way which creates a dark shadow.
It takes me back over 60 years to my math teacher in high school. Knowing I was #1 in his class, I was dumbstruck when he came to me and said I needed to work harder. I replied, “But I’m already #1 in your class.”
“I know,” he said. “But you can do better, a lot better. You’re better than you think you are.”
This is just one example of many other comments from people who made me think about myself differently. There was the time, for example, when my two-up boss casually said to me, “Someday, we may all be working for you, John.” I had only been at P&G for about a year at the time. I could hardly believe what he said. Some days I was wondering whether I was even going to make it.
But more than a half-century later, I still remember that comment, reminding me that a kind affirming word makes all the difference in the world.
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